Hint: "The open folders will kill you."
Somewhere along the line I picked up the rule that says when you're
having lunch with someone on their private jet you should pay special attention
to what they have to say. Last week was such an occasion and I'd like to pass along
part of the conversation. If you occasionally feel stressed out and overwhelmed
you might find it useful.
As is our practice when we do an executive search we typically
supply some video, or recorded audio, of the top candidates. Seeing, or hearing,
the candidates, provides a better idea of who they really are. So it saves a lot
of time, money and reduces hiring risk for the client. Normally we put all this
material securely on the web so the hiring team can peruse it at their convenience.
This saves even more time. It's a slick system and although low-tech by today’s
standards, works very well.
However, recently a client, a Fortune-level CEO and a way-back
reader of this occasional newsletter (we've mentioned him previously), called up
and asked me to bring the interview content over to Chicago Executive Airport (a
busy corporate airport north of Chicago) and we'd go over the candidates for a senior
finance position and then have some lunch.
We met on his Gulfstream (nice ride). After reviewing the video
and resumes, and making some decisions, we put the work aside as the flight steward
set the table for lunch which was brought over by a famous North Shore restaurant.
I replied a cautious “Sure," to the host’s comment: "I hope you like Atkins."
For the curious the meal consisted of grilled tuna steak with a portabella, gorgonzola
salad and a glass of One.6 Chardonnay (a "low carb" wine). For the record,
I would have that meal again anytime, anywhere.
During lunch (which permanently altered my notion of "diet
food") I noticed my host seemed totally relaxed and without distraction. This
was notable to me because you almost never see it. Most people, from the McDonald's
drive-thru window person, to Donald Trump (ok, maybe a bad example), have so much
on their minds that you just know they aren't all there. And they know it themselves.
But here was my host, a nationally important man responsible for over 50,000 employees,
and ultimately responsible for countless projects and equity holders, and yet he
had a relaxed "lightness" about him that suggested he had arrived someplace
that I, and perhaps you too, want to be. So I asked him how he did it. Here is the
salient part of the conversation almost verbatim:
He smiled at the initial question. "Ah, maybe it's just
a trick. Maybe I'm as overwhelmed as the fella that brought the food. I just don't
show it. Maybe it's a ruse."
Sipping the wine, I thought about this. "No. I don't think
so. I'd be able to tell because that's my job and I'm good at it."
He smiled. "OK, then describe to me in a single word what
you think you're observing, either by its presence or absence. Go ahead. You're
creative, Tal. Give it a try."
I thought about this, then said, simply, "Carefree."
I then looked around the luxurious $40 million jet and added, "Which strikes
me as impossible!"
"Well, you're right. I absolutely am not carefree in the
usual sense, but I am in a very important way."
Now we were getting somewhere. "And what way is that?"
"My mind is clear. And relaxed," he said, eating the
crisp tuna. He then reached into his breast pocket, pulled out a dime store notepad,
made a note on it with a nice fountain pen and replaced both in his pocket. The
motion was fluid and seemed to take only a few seconds. I realized he'd done it
a half dozen times since I arrived but this was the first time I really noticed.
His motion was that practiced. That routine. Clearly he had done it thousands of
times.
"So's mine," I announced confidently, referring to
my mental state.
"But it's not," he said, waving his fork. "And,
Tal, that's not a bad thing. It's just inefficient. Like most people you over and
under react to situations, which means the situations control you. I’ve seen you
do it. You need to remind yourself to respond appropriately."
I replied, "Like the old notion of reacting like water when
you toss a pebble into it?"
"Exactly," he said smiling. "We're talking about
the same thing. The water doesn't over or under react. It reacts appropriately.
If you over or under react the input is controlling you. Phone calls. Meetings.
E-mails and texts. I learned a long time ago to give everything exactly what it
deserves. Nothing more. Nothing less. At the time I came to that understanding,
it was a big step for me." As he said this the pad came out and a few seconds
later glided back into his shirt pocket. Smoothly, like relaxed breathing. It was
elegant.
In the background a Learjet roared down the runway and off toward
the East. I confess to wondering if its expensive occupants were under or over reacting
to something. I half expected my host to read my mind and whisper, "Over."
I continued with my lunch. It was genuinely delicious.
There was an easy silence in the cabin. I finally asked, "I
can understand the efficiency of a measured response. But that doesn't explain your
notion of the clear and relaxed mind. You have to have more going on in your head
than most anyone I know. How can you honestly say it's clear and relaxed?"
"Simple. No open folders," he said, pointing his fork
towards his head. "The open folders can kill you."
"Excuse me? Open folders?"
"We all make commitments—far more than we are aware of,
most of them to ourselves. The key is the way our subconscious mind handles them.
Basically, all our outstanding commitments are kept track of. I think of these as
open folders because literally that's what they are. Something unfinished and waiting
for something. Waiting for action and closure."
"What's an example?"
"Anything you think of that you want to come back to. Think
about the enormity of that. It's any task you need to do, anything you want to follow-up on. The moment you think of it, if you
don't execute it right then, it becomes an open folder. Something that needs to
happen in the future. The problem is, in a typical human being, the open folders
sort of float around in your short term memory which is a finite space. In the majority
of people it's very cluttered which is the opposite of having a clear mind."
"And the clutter creates stress?" I asked, reaching
for the glass of peculiar, but tasty, wine.
"Of course. Because you've identified a responsibility you
have, some task you need to do and your subconscious mind won't let you really relax
until it's done. So you have to handle it. The problem is much of the time we "forget"
it—but in reality, Tal, it's not gone. It's still up there. Still an open folder
sponging up resources. After a while there's no more room so we get tense, lose
focus, and become less effective. We founder."
Then it dawned on me. "Thus, the pad?"
"Thus the pad," he said, pulling it out and fanning
it like a deck of playing cards. "This is where everything goes. And I mean
absolutely everything. The key is you have to trust it. I know if I write it down
it will resurface. [Note: This was later clarified. The little note pages, which
are all dated, (idea, reference, action or desired outcome notations), are faxed
to an admin support person for handling. The circle back/follow-up process is apparently
quite rigid.] The point is I can then forget about it. Writing it down "closes
the folder" freeing up bandwidth to think about something else."
"And what is that, typically?"
"Actually, a lot about family and other pleasant pastimes.
But if it's business related, after envisioning a project's desired outcome, it's
mostly next step related thinking. Much less big picture than you would think. I've
known a long time you can't "do" a project. You do steps. Therefore, much
of my focus is on what's the very next thing
that has to happen to move a project along. And, since I’m a leader, that's typically
making a suggestion to somebody."
"So your strategy is to keep very little on your mind."
"Broadly. And that's what you refer to as my appearing 'carefree'."
With that he reached into a compartment in the leather arm rest of his seat. He
pulled out a new red notepad. "Here," he said sliding it across the table.
"Try it. You'll see."
I did try it. And he's right. By moving the things that can't
be used or concluded right now into a trusted loop-back system I'm finding I have
a lot less 'on my mind' which, in turn, makes my thinking a bit crisper and cleaner.
And yes, knowing valuable thoughts aren't going to "escape" leads to a
kind of mental relaxation you need to experience to understand. I doubt I'm the
sort of person that will ever be truly "carefree" but it's proving an
enjoyable and very useful experiment.
If you feel stressed and over committed you should definitely
try this technique. I've substituted my smartphone for the little paper pad but
it works the same.
Give either a try. You too may never look back.
Think about it…
